Cinderella
A long, long time ago there lived a beautiful girl called Cinderella. She lived with her father, who was called Bayana because her mother was working in North America. She and her father were very happy.
One day her Dad became ill. He was burning like fire. His illness made him become extremely ill and is was quite atrocious.
One day they met a little girl called Ruby. She was with a little mouse and came to their front door. When Cinderella opened the door, Ruby said “Hello can I please come in? Your mother has sent has sent me to stay for one week.”
“Yes you can come in but be very quiet because my father is very ill and he might hear you,” said Cinderella.
Ruby got changed into her uniform then she went and to help Cinderella.
Cinderella said, “hi can you help me to make a dress for the ball?”
“OK.” Then ding dong went the door bell.
“Hello is Cinderella home?”said a man, “so you want to go to the ball ?”
“Yes, I saw it on the iPad, computer and TV.” said Cinderella.
“Cool,” said the man. “OK see u tonight.” The man was really the Prince disguised as a servant .
Then she said to her father, “Can I go to the ball tonight father please?”
“Not in your filthy clothes,” said her father.
Then when she came into her room she saw her dress. It was a white dress with sparkly diamonds and pretty bow for her hair. There were white shoes to go with it.
She said thank you to Ruby and the mice and birds who had made the drww. guys then she went down stairs. She saw a wizard and he said, “What is all of that on you? You are not supposed to be wearing that.”
“But my father said I could.” Then her father came in a said. “no I didn’t.”
They ripped Cinderella’s dress and they left without Cinderella. Then she ran outside and sat on the ground and put her face on the chair. She was crying.
Suddenly, her fairy Godmother appeared and said “Helloo my darling . You look very sad.” and the fairy Godmother said. “its ok.”
Suddenly a pumpkin became a carriage and then the mice and birds and mouse became horses and a man . Then Cinderella had a nice rainbow dress. It was shiny and her shoes where rainbow and shiny then her fairy god mother said “do not forget that at 12:00 to come back home.”
Then she was at the ball with her shiny dress and shoes and when the Prince saw Cinderella they both fell in love and danced all night long but she forgot to go out of the ball at 12:00. Then she ran back home but left her show behind.
The next day the Prince went to Cinderella and said, “You are the one.” Then the prince put the shoe on Cinderella and she fit it. Then the next day they got married and they lived happyily together
The end
1 comment:
Tatiana, I enjoyed reading your fractured fairytale. You enjoyed our Fairytales unit and wanted to keep writing! You have worked well towards the learning intention which was to rewrite a known fairy tale using the elements of narrative writing. You used the success criteria to help you create a fairytale for your audience. I particularly like how you used some great adjectives and details to make your story more interesting. Your next step is to work on ensuring you make sure you don't repeat yourself and draw out the story for too long. Remember quality is better than quantity. Try not to add words in to make it longer and only put in detail that adds value to the story!
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